We have eagerly been awaiting the Let’s Panic About Babies book every since we first became pregnant with our own babies. And that’s saying something. Because back then, we didn’t even know anything about authors Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy, how funny they are, or that they were even considering writing a book together. That’s just how awesome this book is: It transcends the impossible!
If you’ve ever seen the Let’s Panic About Babies Website, you might have an inkling of what to expect–new babies referred to as “recently freed fetal captives,” and the suggestion that your first month of pregnancy means it’s time to stop trolling the docks for anonymous sex at night.
In other words, Let’s Panic About Babies (full name: Let’s Panic About Babies: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, and Finally Turn You Into a Worthwhile Human Being) is clearly not for those who read satire then say, “Are they being serious? That’s offensive! I would never troll the docks for anonymous sex at night!”
The book is sarcastic, a little bawdy, and more insightful than you might expect. (The authors name the fifth month of pregnancy “the smug month.”) With clever sidebars, laugh out loud quizzes, and lists like socially acceptable places to barf, it really is a whole lot of fun. However don’t expect to read it for advice; unless you appreciate advice like the real reason to avoid eating bologna during pregnancy is that the baby will grow up to live in a van.
In a sea of mildly humorous parenting advice books, and painfully earnest parenting advice books, Let’s Panic is a welcome baby shower gift idea for that friend who you know will never get past page 8 of What to Expect.
The one negative: Reading it might make you pee a little. Fortunately you pregnant ladies have an excuse. –Liz
Preorder Let’s Panic About Babies by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy now from our affiliate Amazon, and have yours around March 1. And don’t miss the Let’s Panic About Babies book trailer which is downright hilarious. Name that announcer…
During my first pregnancy, I worked a lot with teens and college students. During my eighth (ninth? the last month) I was driving one of the college students home and we were talking about the pregnancy. She said to me, “Cora, I think I’m more excited about this baby than you are!”
It took a lot restraint to not boot her from the car or curse her out. Of course, who has the energy for such antics during the last month of pregnancy?
The worst thing anyone said to me when I was pregnant? That I was going to deliver any second (from the time I was about 7 months-on). I suppose that’s what happens when you’re 4’11” and your hubby is 6’0″. But, when you’re tired, hungry, grouchy, and 9 months pregnant and you go to eat some lunch with your husband, do you really need the hostess pondering (out LOUD) whether you’ll actually FIT into a booth!?!? I think not. Now that we’re expecting our second, I’m dreading the return of these comments, soon…
The absolute worst thing said to me during pregnancy happened at the midwives’ office during my 34 week check-up. The midwife on call was externally feeling for the baby’s position and suddenly turned white as a ghost and said she needed to rush for an emergency ultrasound. She pulled a wheelchair (yes a WHEELCHAIR) from the hallway, had me sit down with my two year old in my lap, and RAN me to the u/s machine just down the hall. I was fuh-reaking out. Once she began the exam, I shakily asked, “What is happening?” She replied, quite seriously, “I couldn’t find the baby’s head.” I couldn’t help but giggle uncontrollably (of course the baby’s head was engaged… the odds of it rolling away unbeknownst to me were pretty slim).
Someone told me that if I drank milk products it would make my baby turn out hairy…. What?!
I don’t have time to read so don’t include me, but I wanted to share my response.
I started going to a new primary car a month ago. I had my 5 month old baby with me (yes, she was there) in a stroller. As the doctor and I went through my medical history, she (yes, female doctor) looked at me and said, “so how many months are you?” I said, “my baby is 5 months old and I am still learning how to take care of her. I have not had time to start taking care of myself!” But really?! A female, physician, while I had her with me?
Oh my gosh, this is awesome! I’m itching to read it 🙂 When we first ecstatically announced our pregnancy, I had a friend who said immediately (with a shocked look on her face), “Oh! It was planned???” I guess it’s somewhat of a valid question to some people, but the fact that it was the FIRST thing she said to me, instead of being happy for us and saying congratulations, was the real kicker. Also, my partner has been so worried about my water breaking in bed that he put puppy training pads under my bedsheets. I have to laugh about it now!
I didn’t know you were pregnant.
When I announced my second pregnancy to a group of friends one blurted out “Was it an accident?” Nice. And no, it wasn’t. Thanks for the chance!
“Don’t you know by now how that happens?” The guy who said this thought it was my (and my husband’s) 3rd child when it was really our 2nd. As if that makes a difference!
As I’m currently pregnant with twins I get a lot of the “You’re never going to sleep again” comments.
My two children are 18 months apart. When someone realized I was pregnant again (my first child was just 10 months old), I did get one comment about ‘Don’t you know how this keeps happening?!’ Um, yes. Do you *really* want to talk about that?!
I had/have twins. Random strangers would ask me if they were conceived naturally. People also pretty much told me constantly how huge I was. After they were born, I was asked a lot which one was my favorite or which one was the mean one.
Oh goodness! I don’t know if I can laugh about it yet, because it was just last week… but I know I will after baby is born. Someone asked me in the grocery checkout line if I was having triplets. NOOOOO! First, never assume someone is pregnant unless you see the baby is coming out. Second, a pregnant lady never wants to be reminded of how fat she is. Third, really?!?!? You coundn’t have just guessed twins? I told them very politely that it’s just one baby and I’m due in a freakin’ week, so gimme a break! 😉
If I am Anne, it’s news to me! – Liz
It was mid-December. I was nine months pregnant with my first baby and in a checkout line at Costco when a voice behind me asked, “Are you going to have your baby on my birthday?”
I turned and smiled pleasantly, or as pleasantly as an exhausted pregnant woman can smile, at the elderly lady behind me. “I don’t know,” I said. “When’s your birthday?”
She told me, and then proceeded to tell me in great detail how bitter she was over having been born in December. “What a horrible time for a birthday!” she concluded. “You shouldn’t have had your baby in December.”
“Well, there’s not a lot I can do about that now, is there?” I replied. But I was livid. To interrupt a total stranger in the midst of a grocery transaction and tell her how inconsiderate she is for giving birth to a child just before Christmas? That was the worst.
Even the non pregnant ladies could have a good laugh with it…Sounds like something I may just buy my sister!!! She is due in April!!!
Oh my gosh! I’m 9 months pregnant now and just the other day, my OBGYN doc (not my usual one) asked if my ankles were swelling yet at she looked at them. I said yes. And she immediately said right after, “No they’re not!”. I was like, “Um, this is NOT my normal ankle size…how would you know?” She was quite a bitch.
At the grocery store: I’ll ring you up quickly because you look like you’re going to have that baby any minute and I don’t want it to be here.
My boss during my first pregnancy said, “You’re never going to be able to work the hours you do now.” Then I was laid off a few months later. I was livid at the time. The only reason it’s funny now is because I have a much better job that basically fell into my lap just a few days after I was laid off. 🙂
someone told me I’d never lose the weight so I shouldn’t kill myself trying. depressing!
My OB looked at my 6’6″ husband and asked what size shoe he wears. When my husband answered “size 14” my OB laughed and told me “good luck with that”.
It wasn’t the worst thing, but the funniest. I was working at a preschool and the day I told the kids I was pregnant one of the little boys looked at me and said, “A baby? Are you sure it’s yours?” I couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the day
Hilarious! Awesome! I can’t to read this book.
Worst thing anyone ever said to me was when one of my co-workers, when I was pregnant with Noah, leaned over during a Big Long Boring Formal meeting and whispered, “Sometime when I am drunk enough to handled the answer, you’ll have to tell me how a lesbian gets pregnant.”
About 15 minutes later, my shock and horror subsided enough that I was able to think of a witty answer. I leaned back to him and said, “You really don’t need to be drunk. It starts with the most surreal online shopping experience you can imagine, and the rest is boringly medical.”
I was asked when my due date was when my daughter was 7months old! Boo if u don’t know if someone is pregnant don’t ask
A young co-worker came to visit me in the hospital after I had my daughter. She looked at me and said, “you still look pregnant!” At the time, I was devistated, but now I’m looking forward to *her* first baby, and visiting *her* in the hospital!!
With my first pregnancy, I was convinced I could deliver au natural, and had a 3 page birth plan to go along with my ambition. My dear friend was in her residency at the time, had just delivered her first baby, and had attended many, many deliveries. She told me I just needed to drop the birth plan and get an epidural. At the time, I thought she was being unsupportive, and I actually told her to just support my decision. UNTIL I went into labor and was practically begging for an epidural, and tore up my birth plan. I had no idea what I was in for. I apologized to my friend later. And have since had 3 fabulous deliveries, all with epidurals. A brilliant invention, in my humble opinion.
My daughter was born with a congenital heart defect and I got a lot of advice with people who know nothing about heart defects. I also got the question, “How do you DO it?” a lot. What do you mean how do I do it? Live? Take care of my baby? You just do it, it’s not like you can stop.
I was 7 mths pregnant when my brother, who I call Mr. Tactless, asked me if I had had an ultrasound done yet and if the baby had any abnormalities. Considering we knew we were having a girl and he had seen the pictures, I was confused. Plus, abnormalities??? Who askes that? I wasn’t at all surprised when, while I was carrying my 2 day old daughter into my house for the first time, he said he hoped I could get back to my “fighting weight” in time for his wedding. My dad said the same thing to me not 10 minutes later. Sigh…
The worst, or I guess I should say the most perplexing thing, that’s been said to me so far would have to be, “Is that recent?” while the woman pointed at my 6 months-along bump. I was so taken aback I couldn’t even come up with a witty comeback so I just stared at her slack-mouthed until she walked away.
The worst thing I was told while I was pregnant was that I was clearly too far along for an abortion. (I don’t remember the context–it was in the course of a conversation, but afterward, I was appalled that she, a total stranger, would have taken the conversation there. Why would she bring up abortion at all to a 7.5-months pregnant woman?)
And similar to Jamie’s: I am so tired of people telling me what a gift it was for us to have our daughter on Christmas, but what an awful time for a birthday! (I usually try to graciously smile and say something like, “Well, my birthday is December 23, so I’ll know how to do it up right.” And I love my birthday–it feels like the whole month of December is a party for me. (And yes, I know all about having half birthday parties, too.)
When my husband and I got home from the hospital with our son last June, one of the substitute doormen in our building asked me if I was having another baby. Um, no, I just had one, thanks… my uterus is still contracting, hence the belly…
While pregnant with my 3rd child in 3 1/2 years an elderly lady from my hometown told me that my husband needed to get a hobby. Or it could have been in the recovery room after having my 3rd c-section and the nurse saying that my husband should have married her daughter.
True story: two different butchers at two different grocery stores asked me when my TWINS were due. I was only 6 months pregnant… with a single baby. Nice.
But “the worst thing about being pregnant” I ever heard/read, came from my own twisted mind when I recently wrote this post about my favorite most horrifying pregnancy terms:
https://beardediris.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/seriously-its-not-as-bad-as-it-sounds/
One of my closest friends is pregnant for the first time and I thought it would be nice for her to hear a funny spin on words like “mucus plug,” “bloody show,” and “ring of fire.” She loved it. She’s due in April and has a fabulous sense of humor, so this gift basket would rock her world!
When I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child, my husband and I went to visit his grandmother. As soon as she opened the door to greet us she said, “Well hey there fatty! Are you sure you’re not having twins?!”
When someone told me that I may poop during delivery. When one is pregnant and very self conscious? That’s not the time to bring poop into the picture. I laugh now because hi! It’s poop and lord knows that as a mom of 3 I’ve dealt with my fair share of poop.
The fairly standard (and annoying) “are you sure there’s only one in there?” PLEASE.
A bunch of different colleagues asked whether my son was born vaginally.
Really? You think I want to talk to you about my vagina? Even after the complete loss of modesty that is birth, I did not, do not, will never want to talk about my vagina with co-workers.
I taught middle school before my kids were born, and I was about 7 months pregnant when it was time to teach sex ed. I’m sure you can imagine the comments I got, but my fave was when one of the kids (trying to embarrass me) said something along the lines of them all knowing I had ‘done it’ since I was pregnant. I calmly answered that I’d been married for over 10 years, and yes, my hubby and I had ‘done it’ quite a few times in that time. (I actually loved teaching sex ed, because I was so much more comfortable with it than the awkward little middle schoolers… 😉
This book sounds great! I haven’t gotten far enough along in a pregnancy to have people say rude things, but a hostess in Italy did make a comment one time that I was pregnant when I wasn’t. We were checking out & paying and she started awkwardly laughing for so long and making such a spectacle (HELLO, move on after you make a blunder like that!) that I started telling her she’d better be giving us a discount, or should we just leave without paying? I wasn’t even fat, just wearing a bulky sweater!
I was 8 months pregnant with my first and had to get my drivers license renewed. When the clerk handed me the license, she looked at the new photo on the license, looked at me and then said “Don’t worry honey. Your nose should go back to its normal size after the baby is born. Well, almost normal size.” I hadn’t even realized that my nose had swelled so much!
“Which one of your kids was the best baby?” (I have 4 children) “Which one did you give one more attention or affection to? What did you do to have such good babies? It’s not fair that you had such good babies. I suffered with mine and I’m a good person.” These questions were asked about a month after my last baby was born (11/2010). The lady enquirering is my best friends wife so I had darn near bitten my tounge off in lieu of telling her to…let’s say, “shut her ignorant mouth and never attempt to speak of children in my presence again”. Oh, and she is a teacher too! How loving can one be? Not so funny ha-ha but an example of single-minded thinkers at it’s best, in my opinion.
When I first told my family and friends we were expecting (we spilled the beans pretty early) we were so excited! The worst/most annoying reaction was, “6 weeks along? That’s not far at all.” I thought, ‘hey my body has been trucking along for more than a month prepping this human for life and you don’t think 6 weeks is that substantial?’
In retrospect, they were probably saying that because they were surprised we were sharing the news with them so early, but I felt a bit sold short for all the progress my body had already made at 6 weeks.
This book sounds great!
Connie
I can’t think of a single awkward thing said while I was pregnant – must be the haze I still walk around in 3 years later. Seriously, my brain still hasn’t recovered!
This book sounds hilarious and just up my alley. So far the comments have ranged from people questioning the poor timing of this pregnancy (in their eyes, of course) and wondering aloud if it was an accident; someone at work who I never have physical contact with touching my belly and saying “Uh oh! Looks like you’ve got what’s going around”; and a foreign exchange student asking how I can possibly purchase “core things” for the baby without knowing its gender. I still have a trimester to go, so can’t wait to see what gems are said as I continue to grow.
The girl who was the prom and homecoming queen in my high school (15 years ago) goes to my MIL’s church. She had a baby a day before I did and of course, she was at church, a week later in a skin tight dress and her five kids. My MIL couldn’t stop going on and on about how amazing she looked as I sat there in my maternity pants and no plans to leave the house any time soon. She talked about that prom queen for months and how skinny she was. How lovely!
I’m 32 weeks along in my first pregnancy right now, and I teach in a high school, so I’ve had a lot of somewhat invasive (and totally inappropriate) comments from my students. Probably the most concerning was right after we got back from winter break. I got a lot bigger over the two weeks we were out, and when my students were coming into class after lunch, one of them looked at me and said, “So I guess you aren’t faking it after all.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean it that way, but it threw me for a loop that they believed I was “pretending” to be pregnant.
I was always annoyed with the “you will never sleep” comments. I slept better after my son was born than I did most of my pregnancy. Yeah I still got up every couple hours but I got to snuggle a sweet little baby instead of clinging to the toilet barfing.
I can’t believe how many people — random people, like grocery-store cashiers and my husband’s grandmother — found it acceptable to say, after finding out that my third baby would be a boy (I had two sons already), things like, “Oh, another boy, huh? So are you going to try again for a girl?” I was all I’M GOING TO FINISH UP THIS PREGNANCY FIRST IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU. Grr.
The worst thing I heard was “yup, your water broke.” My first baby wasn’t due for another 2.5 weeks, and my husband was out of town on a business trip. After my water broke at home, I kept trying to convince myself that it didn’t really happen. As it was confirmed at the hospital, I spent all night wondering if he’d make it back in time for the birth. Thankfully, he caught an earlier flight home, arriving at the hospital 2 hours before she was born!
I went a little nuts late in the pregnancy and had my long, straight hair chopped off and permed. A girl new to my office saw my wedding picture and said, “Oh! You were pretty once!”
I honestly can’t remember anyone saying something negative, or something that I took negatively when I was pregnant! Did I just block it from my memory??
I’ve had plenty of “you’re so big” comments about my belly. I’m 34 weeks and have proudly only gained 13 pounds!
But the worst was last week during a meeting. We were talking about an upcoming event and the idea of having people outside wearing red vests to direct traffic. A male colleague said “we wouldn’t make you do it because you would look like the kool-aid man!”…which was followed by laughter by the men in the room (the woman looked at him incredulously). I promptly said “well we couldn’t have you do it because they’d be blinded by the glare off the top of your head”.
Seriously!
After my first was born, my uncle asked if the baby’s father was black. Nope, the father of my child was my husband of three years. The same guy in the hospital pictures and the wedding pictures. And white. Just a little jaundice, Uncle George.
As we were packing up to leave the hospital after my first was born, my Dad looked at me and said “Are you sure there’s not another one in there?” Thanks, Dad.
Elonda’s delivery room story reminds me of the worst job interview I ever experienced (neither pregnant nor in a delivery room).
My pregnancy highlight was my Mother-In-Law proclaiming we should name our unborn baby after my husband’s spoiled ne’er-do-well younger brother. She very conspicuously did not suggest the baby should be named after MY HUSBAND who is named after HER OWN (deserves a sainthood) HUSBAND.
I wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise so I didn’t find out. Everyone speculated what I was going to have based on my shape, how high the bump was riding, etc. One day a co-worker came into my office and after studying my face said, “You know, having a girl means that you glow so beautifully, your complexion is rosy, your hair is shiny, you vibrate with love because of the extra hormones”. I smiled at her, thinking ‘what a lovely thing to say’ when she blurted out “I think you’re having a boy”.
I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first and barely starting to show. No one has actually said anything cringe-worthy to me yet! I know my time is coming though.
While visiting us in the hospital after I just gave birth, FIL said to MIL (but outloud for everyone to hear), while pointing at my less than flat belly: “Is that going to stay like that?”
(I’m not eligible for the contest because I’m on the CMP staff, but I just HAD to share!)
One day I was walking past a McDonalds. a woman pointed to me and loudly told her young son, “See, THAT is why you shouldn’t eat at McDonalds – you’ll become fat like that woman!”
While pregnant: you are having triplets, right? Okay, then twins, right?!
After: when is your baby due? When I informed my son’s PEDIATRICIAN that I am not pregnant again she said, “Oh, well the way you’re sitting with your little belly ponch it looks like you are”. Thanks lady. Thanks a lot!
When I was very visibly pregnant at eight months along and riding home from work on the bus, a perfect stranger – a young man who sat while I stood (!) – asked me if this was my first pregnancy. When I said yes, he said, “Aren’t you a little old to be having your first?”
I was 37. I’m 40 now and still look 35 on a good day. When I wear makeup.
The appropriate response would have been, “And did your cheerleader mother pop you out right after prom?” but instead I just stood there at a loss for words. Actually, I should have just punched him in the junk hard enough that he be denied the ability to procreate.
I cannot recall any good lines from my own pregnancy, so I’ll share a favorite from my mother. She was expecting her fifth child, when a friend teased her by saying, “I thought you’d have figured out what causes that by now!”
She replied, “Oh, yes, I know what causes it. And I like it.“
@Katherine: A friend had an opposite experience: Her husband is black, she is white. The baby came out light-skinned. Someone remarked, “I didn’t know all babies are born white and then later become black if they are affected in that manner!”
The worst comments always seemed to come from waiters or cashiers. One day while eating at a restaurant in my ninth month of pregnancy, the waiter couldn’t stop saying things like: “Whoa, you look like you might pop at any minute!” or “I’m glad there’s a hospital nearby because I don’t want to deliver it.”
Thanks dude, just bring me some food 🙂
I was pregnant with my third child at the time and quite obviously showing when my kids announced to the neighbor kids that they were going to have a new baby brother or sister. The neighbor girl looked me up and down and said “Are you SURE your pregnant and not just FAT. My mom has a big belly and she’s not pregnant.” God bless children and the things that come out of their mouths. Can’t wait to hear whats to come now that I’m pregnant with number five!
I have a bleeding disorder, so my stomach was covered in bruises my entire pregnancy due to the constant shots. When I asked this random stranger not to touch my belly due to all the bruises, she said she would take a look cause she was a nurse. WHAT?! No you won’t. Some people are so pushy its nuts.
I was also 37 when I had my first child, and my husband’s uncle, who is a doctor of all things, told me not once but on two occasions that I was what they used to call an “elderly pregnancy.” As if you are not sensitive enough when 5 months pregnant – what a thing to say, twice!!
I got a lot of people saying to me “I never thought YOU would have children…you’re just not the motherly type!” Delightful.
I posted about my mad craving for pineapple on facebook and got an astonishingly breezy response about how pineapple was an abortifacient. No “be careful there!” No “Hey, don’t eat fourteen whole pineapples!” Just “Oh, pineapple is an abortifacient. TTYL.”
I have yet to read it! It sounds hilarious and totally my sense of humor. Hey, if we can’t laugh at ourselves…what fun is that?