- Recently, we received a question on Facebook that hit me in the gut:
Q: What is a really thoughtful gift to give someone who’s suffered a miscarriage?
This is so tough. And since October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, it’s a topic I thought was important to tackle.
I’ve been thinking a lot, doing some research, and above all, asking friends for ideas. I’ve ended up with a thoughtful list of kind, encouraging, life-giving gifts that would have been meaningful for women I know after their won miscarriages.
Regardless of what you give however, everyone agrees on this: the most important thing you can give her is your unconditional friendship.
Call her to see if she wants to go get coffee, and understand that you might not talk much while you’re there. Take her dinner, and be okay with the fact that she might just want you to drop it off at the front door because she’s been crying all afternoon. Leave her voicemails letting her know you’re thinking about her, but accept that she might not return them for a while, and it’s not about you.
In other words, giive her space, but don’t give up on her. She’ll be back. And in the meantime, here are some thoughtful gifts after a miscarriage, that can help express your love and support through a painful time.
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Related: What to say to a grieving parent, and what to never say: Tips from moms who have been there.
When we don’t know what to say, Emily McDowell does. We’ve chosen Emily McDowell’s greeting cards (and other clever gifts) for years, because she offers something perfect for any occasion from Valentine’s Day to a scary medical diagnosis.It’s like she’s in our heads. Making us laugh or smile even when things are tough. So I think any of her cards — with a heartfelt message of love and support written inside — would be a meaningful token for a friend who’s just suffered a miscarriage.
The moms I know who have miscarried or grieved the death of a child, each have mentioned that the most important thing to them is their baby or fetus is remembered. The gift of this peaceful candle from FULcandles is lovely on its own, but to make it more special, you could write the due date on the bottom. This way, they can light it each year in memory if they choose to commemorate the date.
Tears are a really important part of the process, and this beautifully simple teardrop necklace from Sela Sage is subtle but meaningful. It’s a really thoughtful way to let your friend know they’re not grieving alone.
A grieving mom may put self-care on the back burner while she’s just trying to get through each day. So a smart gift for nearly any woman, no matter how close you are is some kind of self-care box. This one from Lemons and Confetti was specifically designed for women who’ve experienced a miscarriage, and features a combination of pampering items and thoughtful messages to remind her to take a little time for herself when she can and just relax.
Related: A skincare line for the woman in need of a little pampering
If you know that a woman who has miscarried is keeping some tangible memories on hand — maybe an ultrasound photo or an item of baby clothing they had already purchased — then this beautiful custom, personalized baby box at Dust and Things (or any of her other designs) could be a really sweet gift. Whether it ends up on a nightstand or even tucked away in a closet and taken out when she wants to see it.
Related: The best self-care gifts for women that help us relax and regroup
I was moved by one gift suggestion from a friend: You can give a grieving parent a butterfly bush, as a symbol of carrying a mother’s love away to a child. Of course any plant — a tree, a peony bush, or forget-me-nots — is a meaningful gift after a miscarriage, for someone who’d like to have a daily reminder in their lives that still feels hopeful.
Instead of a teardrop, another piece of jewelry that can be thoughtful for a woman after a miscarriage, is a necklace with their baby’s birth stone embedded in it. I like this one from Shop Erin Michele on Etsy. Since this particular necklace has two stones, you could choose the mother’s birth stone as well as one tied to the baby’s due date, to highlight the bond they will still have.
Sometimes, the most important thing someone who is grieving can do is simply to write their thoughts down. A lovely Moleskine journal (personalized ones like these are extra special) will always be appreciated, and it’s affordable. You can also add a gift card for coffee together when she’s ready, so she knows she can have thoughts she wants to share, and thoughts all to herself/
Tania at Julian & Co. has been one of our favorite jewelry designers for years, especially because her now successful business started after her own traumatic experience during pregnancy. She truly understands the complex feelings that women can go through when they grieve. So when a friend mentioned that any gift with her baby’s chosen name on it would be a meaningful gift, I immediately thought of this dainty name bar necklace in sterling or gold. If you think your friend would appreciate this kind of gift, browse the site — you really can’t go wrong with the beautifully handcrafted jewelry and keepsakes at Julian & Co.
Of course, the ultimate way to give your friend all the love and attention she needs might be to visit and spend the day with her. Even if it’s an airplane light away. Go to the spa. Get lunch. Or just sit around the house in PJs all day, watch movies, and catch up. Your presence just may be the most meaningful gift you can possibly give.