When I was in my pre-kids, pre-underwire-bra-all-the-time years, I admit that 40 seemed old. As in, sex would be over, done, and…weird. Well here’s me shaking some damn sense into my 2005 self. Research shows that women over 40 are having wildly satisfying sex lives. Women over 50 are too, even if you’re post-menopausal. And it doesn’t stop at 59, that’s for sure.

We’re more comfortable in the bedroom, we’re overall more comfortable with our bodies and our uh, skills, and frankly, we’re not even surprised in the least Ā that JLo is in killer shape, as my friend Holly Ojalvo wisely wrote.

To be sure, you don’t need JLo’s bod or her uh, flexibility, to get your sexy on this Valentine’s Day. Ā You just need a little time, a little planning, and okay, maybe a little more motivation than you used to need not to fall asleep in bed watching Mrs.Meisel.

I’m sure you have plenty of ideas of your own, but if you want some ideas to jump start some action after the kids are safely tucked in bed, these sexy little gifts can help.

And hey, it doesn’t mean wriggling into the lingerie you might have worn in your 20s either. No need to look back, when you can love who you are today, as you are today. I bet your sweetheart loves you that way too.

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Gifts to spice up Valentine's Day : Sexy Truth or Dare

1. A racy game

Sexy Truth or DareĀ is a tube filled with 50 different prompts you can pull (that’s what she said, womp womp) that are destined to get all hot and bothered. In fact, one of the dares is “get me all hot and bothered” so that seems like a good start. Chronicle books sent me a Valentine’s Day press box that included this, and it’s really well done — besides, it’s under $15 which is like what? The price of 2 roses this month?

Similarly, you can check out games like Talk Flirt Dare, or Dare Duels, which I haven’t tried but get nice reviews of the naughty variety.


2. A custom mix tapeĀ dripping with “Let’s Get it On” vibes

I recently wrote about mix tapesĀ from our youth, and the responses were amazing — especially how many people remembered the excitement of a crush putting together a mix tape just for them. So I say, go for it! It doesn’t have to be on an actual tape (obv), meaning a custom playlist can be an affordable little Valentine’s Day gift if you have a little time to spare. Just put together all your favorite sexy songs on one (private) list, and send to your partner or download to a jump drive. Or, just just surprise them by hitting play whenever you’re ready.

Sexy Valentine's gifts when you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s...and above: Lingerie from Hips and Curves

3. New lingerie that makes you feel fabulous

Has it been a while since you refreshed the lingerie drawer? Don’t ask for something for Valentine’s Day — it’s way cooler to buy something yourself, then gift wrap it for your partner. (Really!) Just make sure it fits beautifully, and it makes you feel amazing, whatever your age or size. If you’re a curvy gal, as lots of us are post-kids, check Panache’s Sculptresse lingerie collection, made for women who wear sizes 14 and up; or browse the Valentine’s category on Hips and Curves, with lots on sale including the Crimson Lace Bodysuit shown here. Because nothing is sexier than confidence, as any guy (or woman) will tell you.


Sexy Valentine's gifts for couples in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and above: Tata Harper massage oil

4. A fancy massage oil…and time to use it

I have always loved massages but I don’t think I appreciated them as much as I did after 40. If you and your partner feel the same, work it into a sexy Valentine’s gift; skip the $1.99 baby oil (seriously) and pick up something really worthwhile. I’m obsessed with Tata Harper’sĀ Revitalizing Body Oil, which smells as luxurious as it feels, has an appealing gender-neutral herbal scent, and is so perfect as massage oil. Ā Just know it’s super spendy, but it does last forever.

If you really want to get fancy? Arrange for an at-home professional couple’s massage. The best part is that after you’re done, you don’t even have to get dressed in your street clothes.

Sexy Valentine's gifts for couples: A starburst feather tickler from Babeland

5. A new toy of the adult variety

If you’ve never visited Babeland, it’s the most amazing, female-friendly shop for sex toys, and they even have an entire Valentine’s gift section online. (Oh hey, just like Nordstrom! Only uh…not at all.) Shop categories like Couples Toys, Glam Gifts, Sex Tech, and “Sextras,” should you be looking for something small and affordable. The feather body tickler, above, is just $14. I mean they have everything here, from vibrating objects of all kinds, to blindfolds, edible body paints, tons of games, and plenty if you want to get even more adventurous. What are you waiting for? You’re a grown woman! It’s not like you’re worried your parents will find it, sheesh.

Bonus: Ā if any of these sexy Valentine’s gifts require a rain check to make use of them, that’s not a bad thing at all. Wouldn’t you love to have something special on your calendar besides meetings and carpool duty?