Each year, we love putting together Valentine’s Day gift ideas, but I admittedly have had a love/hate relationship with Valentine’s Day throughout my life. Love the opportunity to tell people in my life I love them, hate the pressure. Love helping my kids spread their own love and kindness, hate knowing how hard it can be for single parents — or just single adults in general.

With that, I wanted to put together some ideas for anti-Valentine’s gifts for those people who hate Valentine’s Day — but still deserve a little love and acknowledgment.

Maybe it’s a cynical partner. Maybe it’s a single-and-proud-of-it friend. In which case, also be sure to see our guide to 40 of the best gifts for girlfriends too.) Maybe it’s a single-and-not-so-proud-of-it friend (who deserves extra chocolate too, BTW). Maybe it’s just someone who rejects all “Hallmark holidays” outright. Whatever the case, may these ideas help you show some love and affection to even those who say they’d rather just skip ahead to February 15 and get all those chocolates on sale.

Top image: Sad Shop, who, sadly, is no longer selling her cards retail. 

Anti-Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas 

 

Breakable Gourmet Chocolate Heart
($44, Uncommon Goods)

Also in our guide to the best gift for girlfriends, you can personalize the message inside to be as sympathetic or cynical as you’d like.

The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
($21 on Amazon; on sale for $19.53, Bookshop.org)

If only for “Unfortunate Coincidence.” (Look it up if you’re not familiar.)

 

Related: 16 truly special Valentine’s gifts for best friends who could use a little extra love right now

Anti-Valentine’s Day Heart Cookies
($45/2 dozen, Crazytown Cookies)

Handmade from scratch to order and lovingly shipped by a Nebraska bakery, they can create custom cookies, should you prefer black hearts with…even edgier messages.

A Pair of Creepy Monster Dolls
($36-38, DDS Mascot Monsters)

Handmade doll couples are just sooooo adorbs for V-day, right? If you’re like, “nope, not in the least,” then perhaps these are a better fit for you. I know my own teens would appreciate one — or share one with your BFF.

Meh Coffee Mug + Some Damn Good Coffee
($24.95, Paper Bag Design Studio; Stumptown Coffee $14.98, Amazon Fresh)

In my world, I not only need a funny mug to start the morning, I need some damn good coffee to get me through these long-ass days of no daylight. February 14 seems to be one of those days, especially if you’re not a fan of the holiday to begin with.

A Verilux HappyLight
($44.99 on sale, Amazon)

You know what else I need to get through these short ass days? My HappyLight and yes, it really works. What could be more perfect for an anti-Valentine’s Day gift than something 100% practical and unromantic?

 

 

Anatomically Correct Heart Cookies or Bandaged Heart Cookies
($13.80 for cutter, Bakerlogy)

Oh, did you think I was going to mention some other organ? I first shared this cool cookie cutter on Cool Mom Eats and I think baking a batch with them makes for a perfect Anti-Valentine’s Day gift. All of the sugar, none of the saccharine. Alternatively, check out her bandaid-heart cookie cutter to send a more gentle message.

 

Love is a Reciprocal Torture Cross-Stitch Pattern
($5, stephXstitch)

This Marcel Proust quote is pure Valentine’s Day hating perfection, This fun Etsy shop has others too, including a beautifully succinct NOPE. That said, you DIY so maybe it’s a good gift to give…to yourself.

 

 

Name a Roach for Valentine’s Day
($15, The Bronx Zoo)

It’s not an April Fool’s prank; in a brilliant anti-Valentine’s Day effort, the Bronx Zoo is allowing you to name a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in someone’s honor, complete with a certificate of authenticity. For a little more, you can add roach-emblazoned socks or a roach plush. They’re sure to last longer than chocolates. In fact, won’t roaches last longer than…any of us? Welp.

 

A Gift Card to Grub Hub, Door Dash, or their favorite local joint that delivers
(Prices Vary)

A true Valentine’s Day hater knows that February 14 is the night you avoid the overpriced prix fix menus with complementary mediocre glass of champagne. Instead, hook up a friend, partner, spouse or even the kids, with a gift card for delivery and indulge a night of food that someone else cooked. Ideally with lots and lots of garlic. Netflix optional but highly recommended.