You can only put so much candy coal into an adult’s stocking, so here are 17 fabulous but irreverent stocking stuffers for adults who’ve been mostly nice…but a little naughty. Or for those who just need a good laugh this holiday season. Or a little extra nope.
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Bah Humbug Candle ($18, Frostbeard Studio)
Oh, what a beautiful candle…that will force your favorite Scrooge to inhale the scent of the holidays. Scented with blue spruce, fig, orange and pepper, and just a hint of coal, it’s made of soy wax and perfect for making grouchy people smile and relax. Frostbeard does tons of bookish candles, including Game of Thrones, if you’re into that. I’ve tried their Harry Potter candles, and trust me when I say, you’re in for a real treat.
Your favorite holiday-loving activist won’t be able to resist. Comes in elves, santas, and rabbis who love latkes…and voting rights.
Custom Key Chains ($15+, Various Keytags)
With hundreds of words, phrases, and color combinations, plus the ability to make your own, these little babies are a brilliant way to make someone laugh out loud. Get one for the Swagger Wagon, one for the Boss Girl, or slap a favorite funny nickname on there. Folks with names that never appear on novelty items will love you for the chance to see something just for them.
Cake Hole Nail Lacquer ($15, Butter London)
This gorgeous pink lacquer from Butter London is everything you need in a nail lacquer — free of chemicals, fast-drying, high gloss, chip resistant. But the most important feature is that it’s called Cake Hole.
Yoga Joes ($25, SF MoMA Store)
For your favorite peace lover, these spinoffs of the classic green army man toy are the perfect irreverent stocking stuffer. Each set comes with nine postures and are packaged on a bamboo yoga studio floor. Not even joking.
Ron Swanson earrings ($12, Sleepy Mountain)
Don’t half ass two things. Whole ass one thing, as Ron Swanson would say…like buying these fantastic Ron Swanson earrings for your boss. The man’s grouchy, but he makes a ton of sense and can build just about anything out of wood and rage at the establishment. If he’s sold out, find lots of pop culture awesomeness at this cool Etsy shop including Wes Anderson characters, Steve Buscemi, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and… Nicolas Cage?
Hey Girl Hey soap ($3.99, Blue-Q)
This sweet little bar of soap is scented with white tea and violets and will let that special lady in your life know that she’s killing it. Made of a 100% vegetable base, essential oils and a whole lotta girl power.
A Christmas Story Leg Lamp Christmas Cross Stitch ($25, House of Miranda)
For that family member who watches A Christmas Story 75 times every December, this major award is far less fra-jee-lay than the original. Cross-stitched by hand, it comes ready to hang.
Banned book matchbox set ($8, Out of Print Clothing)
This set of five banned books holds matches that can be used to set fire to things that actually deserve it. As in, candle wicks and yule logs. Not books! Even better: For every purchase, Out of Print Books brings back books to local communities.
Nope necklace ($14, Ink and Studio)
Some days, it’s hard to muster a response, so this dainty little necklace can do it for you. An especially thoughtful gift for any teen or young adult in your life who hates getting bulky sweaters and being asked if she has a significant other.
Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal mug ($12.99, Mug County)
This is just one of those quotes that we all know and love, but we often forget it came not just from a movie — but a movie within a movie. I like that it’s printed and dishwasher safe, unlike a lot of mugs we find on Etsy. Because this filthy animal hates hand-washing.
Merry F’n Christmas Travel Candle ($10, Ms. Betty’s)
We’re long-time fans of this shop which makes this new, hand-poured travel candle that smells like all your favorite holiday spices and berries and can make any room naughty (and merry, probably) for up to 30 hours of burn time. Because all homes should smell f’n merry. At least ones without kids in them?
Death Wish Coffee ($19.99, Death Wish Coffee)
This is truly the irreverent stocking stuffer gift that gives back. One special person on your list will get high-quality coffee with the highest caffeine content legally available. Like sending a death wish, only with love. Everyone wins.
Festive as F*ck all natural cranberry lip balm ($3.89, Badgerface Beauty Supply)
Note: If you are sensitive to cursing, don’t click that link above. But if you want to read the funniest list of lip balm ingredients ever, go check it out. This lip balm is 100% natural and scented with cranberry, so it won’t taste like candy. But it’s going to make someone laugh every time they pull it out of their bag. Just not at parent-teacher conferences, we hope.
Dang It All To Heck socks ($9.99, Blue-Q)
All the socks at Blue-Q are gold, but this SFW pair features a saying safe enough for even Aunt Hilda to wear. I’m wearing a pair of their socks right now that say, Here comes trouble” and it’s everything.
Hangover Recipe Glass ($10, Sur La Table)
This glass includes recipes for seven classic hangover cures, which can be a real blessing after those holiday parties. And it’s from Sur La Table, which means it’s faaancy.
Dumpster Fire Ornament ($20, Stitching my Sanity)
Because maybe if we’re lucky, we can look back at 2016 and laugh.